Unisex. Let’s take a hot minute and dissect that word.
sex: gender (in this case, anyway)
One gender. Hmmm. That’s weird, because you’d think a piece of apparel designed as unisex would mean that only one sex can wear it. Well, that doesn’t sound right, because unisex tees are made so at least two sexes can wear them. It should really be called duosex, but perhaps the powers that be in the international apparel classification society were concerned that would be too Ziggy Stardust for the masses.
But let’s not beat around the bush. What they’re really saying is unisexless. Sounds a little like eunuch sexless. Except that the problem with unisex tees isn’t a problem for men, castrated or intact. It’s really a problem for women, who put on a unisex t-shirt and feel… un-sexy. See, I just replaced the i with a hyphen, added a y (as in, WHY?) and have instantly unraveled this deep, dark apparel secret of the ages. It’s a like a 100% ringspun Dan Brown novel.
So if you’re a woman or a very feminine dude, and you just put on a unisex tee, looked at yourself in the mirror and said, “Cleaning Lady,” I have a solution for you. I will help you put the sexy back in unisex in three simple steps.
Wait, are you a cleaning lady? Okay, you need to do this, too.
It involves scissors. Please have some.
Then follow the super simple steps in the PDF I have lovingly placed on the internets for easy duosex downloading. It’s right here: http://bit.ly/1kMRb6u
And I will now stop saying duosex. It sounds a little too much like an activity, rather than a designation.